did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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