After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
