Michael Bay diarrhea
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
