I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize