I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
