just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
