Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
