so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
