OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
