I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
