Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
