If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
