are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
