This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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