Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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