Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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