he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize