but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
