i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize