If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
