I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
