we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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