idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
