I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
