You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
