The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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