Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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