the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
