Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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