you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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