I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
