You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize