I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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