she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
