$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
