Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
honey bunches of taint.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
