I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize