I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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