wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
