Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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