i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
