I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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