I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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