how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
