So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
