Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize