The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
