FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
