I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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