this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize