Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
