Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
