I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
