I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
