Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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