It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
