A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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