i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
