oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
