The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
